First off, I want to thank everyone for all the support on my last post! You honestly brought me to tears with the supportive response…so thank you from my whole heart!! I have read and reread all of your comments here + Instagram and have appreciated all the emails. I just want you to know that I am truly gratefully for this amazing community + your support towards our family!!
So, I just want to make clear…these pics were taken a few weeks ago and I have more then doubled in size!! Truthfully. You’ll die with the next post! Haha. Anyways, this peach striped dress is from Target + (they are having FREE SHIPPING all week) It doesn’t get better then that!!! I know we all have a love for Target + now I love their maternity section and especially Liz Lange items. The pricing is right on and will not break the bank + the quality is great, as all of my dresses and other clothes have washed up fabulously!! Trust me, you definitely need to snag a few of these dresses! Plus…I have been on the look out for the perfect straw hat and this one is it!! Not too big or too floppy and I love the little pop of coral! Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoy your Friday + have a fabulous weekend!!
This post has been a long time coming. I have thought about how I would put this all into words, but nothing ever seems to sound right or I just plain stop and say, I can’t do it…I’m not ready to go there just yet. Well, here I am. Finally going to write down my feelings, hardships, thoughts + blessings of the last year and all we have gone through trying to get baby #4 here. In some way I am hoping if it just helps one person then it was totally worth the tears and heartache of reliving all the pain + loss. I never could imagine how lonely going through a miscarriage would be…let alone 3 miscarriages. My life has been changed immensely from these events and I feel the mercy of my Heavenly Father and the tenderness of my heart change towards anyone who has ever struggled with this.
First off, we have been so extremely blessed in being able to get pregnant right away with our three little people. I never had experienced anything hard in this area before. (and I feel beyond blessed for that) I had loved being pregnant and never skipped a beat with the first two. Life was great! Now fast-forward 8 years. I had been begging the husband for another baby. I just knew the time was right and “I” was so ready. Joe on the other hand was overwhelmed with Anesthesia Residency and was not ready to add another little one for a while. So we waited another year. During that year I started to feel uneasy about trying for another baby…like something was going to happen or go wrong. The feeling never left me, but I kept telling myself I was getting worked up for nothing. We will be fine.
November 2013…my youngest sister got married. After the beautiful ceremony we hugged each other + of course I was bawling in disbelief that she was this old. She then, immediately, asked if I had just had a miscarriage, because she had been having that the feeling for a while. I was shocked! We hadn’t even started trying and in the moment and knew it was coming. Like Heavenly Father was trying to prepare me for what I thought would be only ONE miscarriage. January 2104 came and we started trying. I was beyond nervous and just knew this was going to be one of my trials. The end of March came and we lost our first baby. The pain and emotion + feeling of loneliness was so beyond raw I thought there is no way I can get past this. But I thought I was ready, like I had some preparation from everything that had happened the few months before. I kept thinking…you knew this was going to happen so why am I having the hardest time. It didn’t help that Joe was on a 24 hr shift and I was miscarriage and trying to get the three little people feed + to bed by myself. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming, but I was tying so hard to hold it all back until the little people were in bed. I really didn’t want to alarm them or let them know something was wrong. The night was long and lonely. We still hadn’t told anyone we were pregnant so I felt like I couldn’t even call my mom. (we wait a really long time before we tell anyone we’re expecting). The next night Joe was still on a really bad shift. I lost it after the kids were down and couldn’t get my feelings in check, so the phone call to mom happened. She listened to me cry for hours and all I could think was I wanted my mom there right then to physically hold me and take this excruciating pain away. It was truly like my heart had physically broken in two.
April, so here we go again…I can do this. There is no way I am going to have a second miscarriage. First month we try. Not pregnant. Wait, this hasn’t ever happened to me before, what is going on? Second month I know we are pregnant but I refuse to take a pregnancy test, and along with that comes this sick feeling of not trusting my body. I just can’t take the test because then it is real and the chance of losing another becomes reality. I make a doctors appt, but still won’t allow myself to take the test. It’s now June and I start spotting + the panic sets in. Of course it’s two days before my doctors appt. I try talking myself out of it + this was so not happening again. But again it did and again Joe was on a 24hr shift. I have never had problems getting pregnant or carrying my babies so why now? I seriously pushed this one aside and never dealt with it…again because “maybe” I wasn’t pregnant + I never took “the test”, right? So that way it couldn’t happen. I went to my doctor’s appt two days later and well… “Yes, Kailee it did happen. This is your second miscarriage.” the doctor says. I still push it aside.
We thought we would try just one more time. I wasn’t sure I emotionally would be able to handle another loss, but at the same time I knew we just weren’t done having kids, and there was still one more baby that was supposed to come to us. We got pregnant once again, and once again I was scared out of my mind but I stayed hopeful. This time I told my mom right away and had her swear to not tell a soul. Mid August we headed on a family trip to Hawaii including my parents and siblings. I was feeling confident this pregnancy would stick. I was almost 12 weeks and thinking I was just about to that “safe” stage. Somehow the pregnancy came out while we were hiking one day on the trip. My sisters both flipped along with my dad and the realization started to set in for me, that this might really happen. I still didn’t want my kids to know (as my oldest took the first miscarriage hard + I still had not told them about the 2nd one), but somehow they overheard later that day. Their screams of excitement + happiness I will never forget. It was such a sweet moment and I just knew our baby was finally coming to us.
We got home from Hawaii and I could hardly wait for my first doctors appt. in two weeks. Two weeks came and so did the spotting. I was devastated. I was 14 weeks and miscarriage yet again, and once again Joe was on 24 hr call. I was starting to lose my faith in god. Honestly, how could this happen 3 times + my husband not be here for any of them? What had I done wrong to have to go through this? After 3 consecutive days of seeing the doctor she decided a D&C was the only way to go since I had not yet passed the baby. I was still in shock that this was happening. It was like I was stuck in this dark hole and I’d never be able to get out. The day of surgery came + the pain inside me made my whole body ache. Walking up to the mother and baby unit was the worst. I lost it…knowing I was there losing my baby and all the other women were there holding their new sweet little ones. I couldn’t help but feel so bitter and upset. I didn’t want to feel this way and that hurt me even more.
That week after the D&C was a long week. For some reason my mom was not able to come down and joe had to go back to work the next day. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to wake up from the night or naps because then I would have to feel, and I was worried about being alone again. But then something happened…I had been praying harder then I have ever prayed before. I prayed daily, hourly that the bitterness would go away, and that I could just feel some sort of comfort, and that I could be grateful for the three little people I had. My soul still yearned for that baby, but I could soon feel the comfort of my Heavenly Father like I have never felt before. It was like I knew I was supposed to go through this so that I could feel what so many other women feel, that I could truly feel that sympathy and know + be there for others that have had to deal with this same thing. The love from friends near and far, some that I had never meet in person, family and church members was beyond any other love I had felt. My heart was so filled with the love and compassion that others had shown me and my family. I was staring to see the tender mercies of our Heavenly Father and I was filled with peace for those next few days.
Fast forward months later. We took a break, started doing our research, and working with the doctors bi-weekly + plus a great friend told me about progesterone and we mentioned it to our doctor. Once again we were pregnant, but this time we felt ready. This current pregnancy started out as TWINS and we ended up losing one. Once again I was torn, confused, and frustrated, but once again the lord was there to get us through it. Here we are almost 36 weeks along, and I am still scared every. single. day. that something wrong could possibly happen + plus that fear of seeing blood after I use the restroom still looms over me. But I have come to realize that I am not alone. There are a lot of other women going through this same thing, or still stuck at the beginning were I was last year. My heart aches for you as I now know the pain and loneliness that comes along with miscarriage. I am just so grateful to other women who shared their stories. The comfort it brought me in those dark moments I can never thank them enough. I am hoping that our story can help comfort maybe just one person going through this difficult time in their life. Know that I am praying for you nightly and think about you daily and you are not alone.
Thank you so much for your love and daily support of our family through this online + social media world. Your comments and kindness always add sweetness to our day!
Happy Friday everyone!! I can’t believe it’s already the weekend again! Well, we all know I am all about comfort during this pregnancy + all I have mainly worn is dresses. Haha. Can you blame me? They feel more like pajama’s. If you are looking for a great dress to get you through your entire pregnancy this peachy dress is one of them. I love that it is so versatile and I can dress it up or down depending on the occasion. I’ll be wearing this exact dress in black on Saturday as I’ll be speaking at Elevate (a blogging conference)…which I am so excited for! We (me and the little people) are headed down to Newport Beach today for a little getaway + the conference. I’m hoping to get in a little shopping + beach time in with the littles. Anyway, you can follow along on Instagram if you want. I hope you all have a fabulous weekend with your family and friends + thank you so much for stopping by!!
We are headed down to Newport Beach for a short weekend getaway this Friday + I can hardly wait!! My little people don’t get out of school until mid-June so we need this little break before summer hits and baby comes!! I thought since I am packing (plus nesting like a mad women) I might as well share some of my weekend getaway essentials with you all!!
I have always loved a good flowy top + jeans (that stretch)…to let you eat whatever you want on vacation! Ha and because with three kids and by the end of the day I don’t want my outfit to look all stretched out.
Flip flops…we all know you’ve got to have a good pair that won’t rub in-between your toes or hurt when you walking alot. I love these teal ones + a having a fabulous cover up/dress that you can dress up for lunch or dinner is a must have as well. The back is amazing on this orange midi dress!
This floral swimsuit is even cuter in person!! (I know impossible right?) One of my good friends has it and the fit was beyond darling on her! So of course I had to snag one as well…and this ruched coral swimsuit I love, because ruching always helps cover the stomach. I already have 4 ruched swimsuits…because, I feel they are the most flattering on almost any body type!
As I have gotten older and seen the damage the sun does to your skin…I now won’t walk out the door without putting sunscreen on my face. I always use a stick like this because I can get it exactly where I want + it never gets in my little people eyes. Also, if you follow me on Instagram you know my love for any kind of hat + sunglasses. (crazy hat lady) haha! Enjoy!!
Happiest Memorial Day!! I hope you all are enjoying the long weekend and spending time with family and friends doing some super fun things. Well, I rounded up the BEST of the Memorial Day Sales going on…along with all the coupon codes to go with them. I hope you are able to stock up on some items for summer or back to school for your little people or just a new pair of shoes/sandals for yourself! (because we all know how much I love shoes) Haha! Thanks again for stopping by and enjoy + take advantage of these great sales below!!
This year’s Nordstrom’s Half Yearly Sale is just SO GOOD!! I have already placed two orders…ahhh. Just don’t tell the husband. Ha! I went ahead and searched through all the women’s shoes + accessories and picked out the very best stuff just for you guys!! I seriously have so many favorites this year it’s hard to narrow it down. I hope you enjoy + and are able to snag some great stuff, because things are going fast!!
So today’s the day!! It’s Nordstrom’s HALF YEARLY SALE!! This sale is seriously the best sale of the entire year + I look forward to it all year long!! I have gone through ALL the women’s sale items (all 75 pages) and picked out the very best items…so pretty much I’ve done the work for you! YAY! Oh, there is just so many fun + fabulous tops, jeans, and dresses on SALE right now. All the jeans I picked below are under $135 + there a few around $40! Now go get your shoppin’ on for yourself…well because you totally deserve it!!
Remember Nordstrom has FREE shipping + FREE returns AND all sale items are 35-40% off!! Can you tell it’s one of my favorite online stores to shop at?!! Enjoy friends!!
Happy Monday friends!! So the husband + kids were beyond sweet and got me this pale pink purse for Mother’s Day!! I might have slightly freaked out!! All I have to say is that it’s the perfect size + the color is even better in person + I love the long strap shoulder strap!! I rounded up a few more fun spring / summer purses that I think are just darling + I have been eyeing…like this tan fringe one for only $28 and I am dying to snag this REVERSIBLE coral tote…it’s like to purses in one! You just can’t beat that + the price is amazing!! I always love adding a little more color to my outfit for just changing up my purse for the week. I hope you enjoy these as much as I do, and I hope everyone had an amazing weekend!!
Happy Friday friends!! So “basically” I feel like we all need a few basic staples in our wardrobe/closets. Pieces that can go with almost everything + are so simple to style. I swear I can pair this denim jacket with almost everything + I wear it weekly!! I love to add it to a nice black dress if I’m trying to tone down the look, and we all know Converse are a must! Every girl (or person for that matter) needs a pair or two or three. Now lets talk about this basic grey dress that is NON-maternity…ladies it is ONLY $27!! Yes, such a steal from Target + I have two other colors!! This is the perfect summer dress. I have dressed it up with a blazer + heels like here…or down with my denim jacket + tennies. Do yourself a favor and go snag one!! (these sold out fast awhile ago) Last but not least, we all need a good basic colored purse that goes with everything. I usually like to switch up my purses quite a bit, but I have honestly not changed out my purse for over a year and half!! That’s just how much I love this grey purse!
I hope you all have a fabulous weekend with your people!! And I just want to thank you so much for taking the time to stop by…it truly means a lot to me!! Happy Weekend!
So we are SEVEN weeks away from meeting baby #4!! I seriously can’t believe it is getting so close! The little people asked yesterday if we could start looking through all the baby items we have so far, and of course I was more then happy to bust them out. Hunter asked why everything we had was grey?! Haha. I kinda was thinking the same thing + this not finding out the gender is starting to get hard. We all can hardly wait to find out if this baby is a boy or girl, but until then “gender neutral” it is. Here are just a few of my favorite baby items…some we have and some I am still needing to get. If there is anything I am missing or need to add to my list please leave a comment + let me know what this baby needs! Thanks so much for stopping by!! Check out this post for the most “Chic Diaper Bags”.